Understanding Sensitivity

Do you know the feeling of being told that ‘you’re too sensitive’?

I do.

I’ve heard that phrase all my life. That I’m too sensitive, too emotional. How many of us were criticised for expressing emotion as children? How many of us heard ‘If you don’t stop crying I’ll give you something to cry about?' When I was younger, I internalised that phrase and believed it meant that I was flawed, that my sensitivity was something unwanted to be muted and managed.

And for a long time, I unsuccessfully tried to mute it. I thought if I could just toughen up, shrink my big feelings and not show emotion (or go somewhere private to express it) that maybe I’d be more palatable.

The truth is, sensitivity isn’t a defect. It’s a wiring. And for 15–20% of the population, this way of moving through the world has a name: Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

Psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron coined this term and created a framework using the acronym DOES, that finally helped me to make sense of myself. 

D stands for Depth of Processing. We reflect deeply. We replay, re-examine and rethink. Sometimes overthink.  We feel the world with more layers.

O stands for Overstimulation
Bright lights, a large party, violence in any form, fast-paced schedules, noisy or crowded places often lead me to overstimulation. It’s not that HSPs are 'fragile'. It’s that our nervous systems take in so much more input than most. We absorb everything and as a result, we need more down time away from people.

E stands for Emotional Reactivity & Empathy
We feel what others feel. We cry easily - when we’re sad, angry, happy or when we’re moved deeply. We can’t tolerate cruelty or violence due to our high empathy. We can’t fathom that there are those who can’t put themselves in others’ shoes. This is emotional intelligence in action. It's compassion. It’s care.

S stands for Sensing the Subtle
We notice the subtle shifts. The very slight change in expression, the faint change in tone, the real meaning under the words spoken. Our intuition is strong because we’re wired to perceive the nuance others miss. 

When I finally understood this, I stopped trying to fix myself.

Being highly sensitive allows me to be moved to tears by a piece of music, to appreciate the beauty of a changing sunset, to deeply empathise and connect with my fellow humans and to harness my intuition. Although it can increase overwhelm, it allows immense capacity for joy, awe and creativity. 

Once I understood this, I stopped seeing myself as defective. I started seeing myself as someone who feels deeply, creates meaningfully, and navigates life with compassion, depth and care.

So if you’ve carried the story that your sensitivity is a problem, let’s rewrite that narrative:
You are not broken. You are not “too much.”

You are exquisitely wired for empathy, creativity, and rich, wholehearted connection......and that is something to celebrate. 

 

Need a reminder that it's ok to be sensitive? Download you permission slip here.